Fray Bentos : Bears on Film #2

Colorbond : Bears on Film #1

Testify! #7 Q&A w/ Ian O'Phelan

Ian O'Phelan Illustrator

Q1: I think you are absolutely beautiful. How would you describe your feelings about yourself? Comfortable? Insecure? Learning to love?

I lean towards learning to love. I'm pretty happy with the package as a whole, which I think is just a part of living in it for enough time. Because of that, I find myself having more "good hair days", days when you just feel irrationally attractive. That or they're putting anti anxiety drugs in the water.

Q2: We have had a conversation about me gaining weight. I've chosen to fatten up and it has empowered me. Would you ever significantly change yourself?

The idea of becoming really heavy with muscles appeals to me. I've always felt bulky and it would be nice to match that psychological image to reality. I think technically it's body dismorphia, but I don't think change is bad so long as it's done with one's health as a consideration. However, I think it would take a good deal of doing as I have a low tolerance for discomfort. I actually was working out with a trainer until recently when he suddenly quit. It's a shame, because I find the perceived judgment of others to be extremely motivating, especially in a one on one situation. Generally speaking, it's the idea of extremes that provokes that visceral response. We tend to live pleasantly mundane lives, so the idea making a drastic change is exciting. It's also more personal. You can change your job or location, but it doesn't really compare with the relationship you have with your body.

Q3: I'm so fascinated by how kids in their early 20's basically grew up using Photoshop. How early did you start to draw and use technology in art?

I think I was actually more on the cusp of the phenomena you're talking about. I grew up using the computer, yes, but mostly for typing and playing Oregon Trail. However, it set down the ground work for feeling comfortable to play around with a program. When I did start using applications like Photoshop in college I wasn't afraid to explore and make mistakes. Also, I started off in a graphic design program but ultimately switched to fine arts. This provided a lot of technical know how which I used later in my printmaking major. So in the end I just keep in mind the computer is just another tool.

Q4: Would you rather be commissioned to illustrate for the New Yorker or Vogue?

That's a tough one. Part of me says the New Yorker. I love the little illustrations in the front music, art, and movie section and often clip them for pasting in my sketchbook. I discovered the work of a couple artists I admire that way i.e. Tomer Hanuka. However I feel like I'd have a better chance to do something a little more free form in the pages of Vogue. I love when magazines combine photography and illustrations in a single layout.

Q5: I grew up in L.A. I've said that I'd never move back, but it's changed so much and I might have to reconsider. What do you love and hate most about it?

I hate the way the city is so spread out. The idea of crossing town is always terribly daunting. It's like crossing the Atlantic in a clipper. I sometimes feel like I need to bring hard tack going to the beach. However in that vast sea of generic blocks of housing, there are a bunch of unique neighborhoods rising like little atolls of personality. There's always something interesting to find.

Testify! #6 Q&A w/ River Allan

River Allan Photographer/Bartender

Q1: So, I see you at the Metropolitan sometimes and I find myself staring at you. You have a sexy belly and a handsome face. Are you happy being cubby? Do you identify with Bear culture?

I am definitely happy being a bit cubbish. I always expect to have some sort of gut and I love being fuzzy. Sometimes I feel run down and extra-overweight, but thats more about not eating enough good stuff. As long as I feel healthy, I'm a happy cub. And yes, I definitely identify with bear culture (I throw a great bear bash on Tuesdays at Nowhere Bar.)

Q2: Being Queer, has the type you're attracted to changed as you've become who you are today?

Its funny, cause I don't think that I really have a specific type. I can probably tell you better what I don't like than what I do. I have a few certain types that repeat on me alot, but there's always exceptions. Before I moved to NYC (2001) I was more all over the place with my attractions, but now its mostly just for manly men. Hairy, short, tall, dark hair, blonde, whatever. I've also always had a warm place for drag queens. Masculinity has always been my biggest hard-on, so maybe my thing for queens is that alot of the time they're tough bitches when you take the dress off.

Q3: You say you're shy. I love when people are shy, but push through it. Do you believe the more someone learns to love themselves and their flaws, the more attractive they become?

I say I'm shy, but friends of mine are starting to talk me out of it (I think I am, they're convinced I'm not). Maybe its more that I'm anti-social. Being a bartender is so overly stimulating socially, that it could be my reaction when I'm out of work. I'm also painfully oblivious when someone flirts with me. As to the rest of that question, the more someone knows and loves themselves, especially their flaws, the more they definitely get attractive. I think one of the best things that anyone can have is a sense of humor about themself, cause we're all crazy fucks to some extent. Its better to poke fun at yourself then to keep everything pent up. Just don't get too comfortable and turn cocky!

Q4: You love panties. So do I. I'm always getting obsessed with new kinds. I'm currently gaining weight and I love wide elastic jock types... they are snug, form fitting and flatter my gut. What are you into these days?

I'm really a briefs guy. Especially in the summer. I just got rid of about 10 pairs and it was really hard for me. I'm desperately hunting for another black and white checkered pair cause I bought this one pair four years ago and they're on their last leg. At home though I'm usually running around naked or in boxers.

Q5: Are you really moving back to the South? NYC will not be the same.

Well, I'm not moving anytime soon, but I will be moving back eventually. I really love North Carolina, but I love NYC too. So you'll have to but up with my drunken antics and bear parties a bit longer.

East vs West vs Mid West.

So, as I get to know people in Bear and Post Bear culture on MySpace and Dlist, more and more decension becomes evident. Technology has basically made us all roomates, even if we live 3000 miles apart. This accessiblity into each others lives leaves much room for judgment, assumption and misunderstanding. I'm encourageing everyone to take a fucking look at themselves and evaluate. People talk shit about others when they display the same bad behavior. If you're a whore, be discreet cause the world IS small. If you're a jealous person, don't hate on others 'cause you're just going to look like a spoiled brat. If you say you're going to do something and change your mind, explain yourself, or you'll just be another flake. Most importantly, if you're offended by someone, then confront them. Don't just cut them off and talk shit. The WWW has brought us together, but it only be another place in which to avoid people if we choose to be cowards. Understand that all these Social Network outlets can be more than just a popularity contest. Let's use them to truly understand each other and get empowered... Or I'm on the first flight to go kick your ass.

Gainer.

Vanity can be deceiving. I tried for decades to oppress the man living inside of me. Not until recently have I begun to know him, and as I learn more about him and start to love him, the more I am becoming that Big Man. I've always loved Bears. I didn't always know that I wanted to be one. It's like a religious experience and I've never been happier.

Testify! #5 Q&A w/ Dominic Vine

Dominic Vine Wanderer

Q1: So, when I first saw and read about you I was quite jealous cause you were so lean.... Like the hottest guys from the 70's. Is it genetics or do you fight for it?

i certainly don't fight for it. everyone in my immediate family are always watching their weight. they always made fun of me because i was so skinny. they called me "Chicky Nicky" growing up. (they said i had "chicken legs.") however, i've never had a six pack or anything. and i've always wanted to be at least a bit beefier. but i tend to deal with stress by NOT eating (as opposed to most bears' ways) and enjoy fasting. and doing yoga. and walking a lot. i'm a very active person. so my metabolism is high.

Q2: We both consider ourselves "retired." For me that means having less responsibility while increasing my quality of life. I value my time more than money. What does that mean for you?

i like how you put it: you're concise, i am not. for me it was all about getting "off the payroll". i got my first job with paychecks when i was 13. and i just hated the feeling i was spending so much of my life doing. something i didn't really want to do. just to make money. to me, it's about giving myself plenty of time to do nothing. watch the wind in the trees. and the freedom to go to the beach (for a week) if i want. or run off to another country to see an art show. or visit friends. or just be surprised by the unknown. life needs space and time to be really fruitful. however, i've got to work in tandem with it. so i do my best to put enough effort into whatever i'm doing. to keep the momentum going.

Q3: Butt covered all the Bear loving stuff. Even the fact that the image of your dad is a big part of that. Though I fought it for decades, I finally gave into my body. Call me a Gainer! Do you ever want to gain weight? a big ball belly perhaps?

the friend who interviewed me for Butt was a burgeoning bear (meaning he was a sexy guy who'd got fat and was trying to understand how to be both at the same time). so he's always asking me questions about that anyway. it's about Dad. it's about Providers. it's about comfort and security, like a soft mama too. when i was younger i ALWAYS wanted to be bigger. but that's also about how everyone in my family was fat. and i felt like a freak. for many years i wanted to be a big muscle bound monster. but my body just isn't like that. so i've accepted myself as i am. but still do pushups every day. while eating the fattiest versions of food i can. (strombili! whole milk yogurt! hamburgers!)

i gain more weight when i live in europe. because i like the food and beer more there... if i ever decide to just live there. i'm sure i'll end up a big ole daddy.

Q4: You don't have piercings or tattoos. Are you not interested?

it's not really that. i'm an extremist. when i was about 16 i wanted to get my ears pierced. my father told me he'd cut them out with a spoon. and i realized that if i got anything pierced or tattooed. i'd get EVERYTHING done. -- i'm just like that. when i came back to america from England. i noticed it was really getting trendy. and i lost interest in being a member of society around that same time.

when i came back into being social. it was everywhere and very common. so i felt more of an individual NOT being marked in that way. -- my freakishness is more about my relationship to nature in a society that seems afraid and works at being apart from that.

Q5: Are you going to stay put in NYC for awhile? Do you have your sights set on anywhere you haven't been? How about Stockholm? I love Scandinavian men!

my plan right now is to get my own apartment here in the city for at least a year. -- the fact that i've made NO money "on the books" for over 8 years is causing me a problem in that area. but i'm figuring it out, i hope. i want to work with more artists here, perhaps do more modeling and acting and make music if i can. mostly, i just want to focus on myself as opposed to where i'm going to stay and go and when. i've got stuff i want to write and many photos i need to process. when i decide to leave NYC next i want to have a degree in something (probably teaching english) so i can go live in south america in various places. asia... and eventually europe.

i'd love to get up to Scandinavia... i've not been anywhere up there yet. i do, indeed, love it when those big bushy blond eyebrows and beards bleach to white in the sun.

hmmmmm.

LISTEN : Sufjan Stevens

I listened to Sufjan Stevens' Come on Feel the Illinoise this morning. I never get tired of it's sexy and studious forlorn. It's one of the greatest records ever made. Better than any Beatles or Beach Boys record. Not since Louder than Bombs was there a perfect album with more than 20 tracks on it. Track 4, John Wayne Gacy Jr., is a ballad about the serial killer... And it's the most romantic song ever written. Buy this album now.

Testify! #4 Q&A w/ Teddy Mark

Teddy Mark Corporate Officer

Q1: So, when I was a kid I would get with my friends and it was really difficult to stay hard and get off. It wasn't till I got with a Bear that my mind was blown. When were are you enlightened to Bearhood? Did you ever hate being hairy?

I think like most guys, I can look back and remember times as a kid when I'd have those odd moments of being dazzled by certain adults that would later command my sexual attention. There was definitely the firefighter who lived across the street with his hairy body and Tom of Finland moustache that would constantly make this 5 year old stare in endless wonderment. But there was never a stellar moment like the one where I viewed my first Bear magazine in the early 90's. It all finally made sense at that point.

About me being hairy, I did go through a brief period in my 20's where I attempted to keep my back shaved. This ended rather quickly when I realized that it was simply too much work beating back a jungle. I'm glad I finally stopped listening to the rhetoric and threw away my shaver.

Q2: When did you come out? Have your tastes/types changed since then?

I can't say that I ever had a pivotal moment where I threw open the closet door. For me it was a gradual awakening. I was in the 7th grade and walking home from school. There was a group of guys taunting another guy along the way. They were calling him a faggot and cocksucker. Without missing a beat those words stuck in my head, and after a few moments of consideration, I thought, "Mmmm, I guess that's what I am too, a faggot". That concept had never occurred to me until then. Except for my mother making a brief but impressive dramatic scene a few years later upon my matter-of-fact announcement, my coming out was rather uninspiring.

As for my change of tastes, I've always preferred men with some level of body and facial hair. Though now being older, I do get tempted from time to time with young and hot hairless studs. What's up with that?! Must be my daddy phase.

Q3: You are the quintessential Bear. There should be a picture of you in Webster’s. What do you like most and dislike most about the Bear Culture and Industry?

First, remind me to send you a gift basket for your kind words. Have you been talking to my mother? Second, the Bear Culture and Industry has changed so much since the "beginning", it's difficult to quantify it or give it a clear assessment for likes and dislikes. Perhaps I can give my opinion with a short overview...

Between the late 80's and 90's, the bear culture was much like a growing clubhouse: once the sign was nailed to the door, the members grew until the clubhouse was replaced by an unstoppable world movement. This was good, right? The growing numbers were matched only by the uncountable opinions of what a bear is. The quarrels increased and factions were formed. What began as a small group of friendly regular, hairy, bearded men who did not fit the shaved and toned gay man mold, suddenly turned into the catch-all for everyone who felt outcast from the media (and most of gay society), resulting in a fractured group.

I still believe in the original foundation that Richard Bulger of the first Bear magazine first laid down. My only regret is that the word bear now seems to generally evoke not-so-positive thoughts or reactions from the gay mainstream. I am not expecting warm acceptance, just a little positive understanding. In this the bear community clearly has more work to do, in my opinion. However, the good news is that body and facial hair seems to be "in" at the moment.

Q4: Your beard is so beautiful! It billows and curls. You certainly have a "look." Do you think it's good for bears to have style and not just try to look pseudo butch?

Of course, it' always best to have your own style. But we're creatures of imitation...we follow the herd. Nothing wrong with that as long as it's REALLY who you are, instead of trying to be something you're not just to be accepted. I stopped shaving because I hated it and I let my beard grow out because my DNA allows it. I doubt that anyone is totally happy with their physicality, but I do try to let my body be what is wants to be, instead of forcing it into something it's not. In that way I am lucky to have a job that lets me get away with my given body style.

Q5: Sometimes I feel like I need to be all things to all people instead of really being true to my likes and looks. Riot Bear for me is, amongst other things, confronting all that Chelsea Boy bull shit. Do you feel like some Bear types play it safe with their image?

It's human nature to play it safe; with yourself and with other people. To me, one of the core elements of being a Bear is to maximize your own body potential, no matter what others think. To BE the peculiar one, the normal one. My god, I'm the only guy in my gym who doesn't shave his face or parts of his body, and I'm definitely the anomaly. And oh, how I love that!

The Greatest.

Rainer Werner Fassbinder is like the queer Serge Gainsbourg. Creepy, but completely irresistible and cool. In his short life he made 43 films... About one every 100 days. He was openly gay and many of his films dealt with gay characters keeping with his interest in types that were deemed outsiders by society. Fassbinder died at the age of 36 from an overdose of cocaine and sleeping pills. There is debate as to whether the overdose was accidental or not. His death is often considered to mark the end of New German Cinema. Querelle was the last film he made. It's astonishingly beautiful, surreal and sexy.

Chicken.

So, I saw Transformers last night. It was so over the top. All Michael Bay films are. Anyway, I was blown away by Shia LaBeouf and I'm now obsessed. His performance in the film was so endearing. He has that quality that's undeniable. The same quality that made me fall in love with the boys in Stand By Me. Complete charm. Shia is obviously a Twinky Boy, precious and innocent, yet he's masculine and fucking sexy. I also love that he's basically done only blockbuster hit movies in the last 10 years and I don't even know how to pronounce his name. I can't wait to see what he's like in 20 years.

Bruce Almighty.

Bruce Weber is too much to handle. He's the perfect Polar Bear... Beautiful gray beard, stylish and so talented. It breaks my heart that I'll never be his type. (As if!) I collect the old Abercrombie and Fitch Quarterly's. They are amazing, but those boys he loves to photograph... Flawless Collegiate Athletic types... I can't look at them too often because it fuck's me up. I hope he's loved by many of those boys the way that I could love him. Bruce's new documentary about Chet Baker is fantastic. Let’s Get Lost will either inspire you or make you feel like a fool. Chet is not only beautiful, but cool as fuck.